Afterthoughts of a Long Day
by nD kS nW
Summary: Somehow, Sirus convinced Dumbledore that he should be the one to raise Harry. After a long day, Sirius is finally allowed to take Harry home. Sirius' thoughts on life and recent events with a commentary by Baby Harry. Oneshot. No slash. Fluff, yet with a


This just sort of struck me one day. It was that sort of thing where it gets into your head and it haunts you until you get it out. That's what this was like. Anyway, it's a oneshot. I think those are always bittersweet. So enjoy.

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"Long day, eh?"

A twenty-one year old Sirius Black lay on his side, head supported by arm, and watched over a small body on the other side of his bed. "Just think," he went on, "not even twenty-four hours ago you were in your crib, your mum by your side singing to you as you watched the clouds on your walls." Baby Harry lay on his stomach, bouncing back and forth on his knees, laughing and thoroughly enjoying himself. "Or maybe," Sirius repositioned himself, a smirk playing at his features, "maybe you were in that bloody reclining chair with your dad. He must have been holding you above his head with your little arms flailing about, trying to show you how it feels to fly. You love when he does that- when he did that, I mean."

Harry flipped himself over. After a bit of struggle, he grabbed onto his foot, and proceeded to avidly suck his toes. Sirius leaned over, allowing the baby to play with his fingers. "Now look at you," he grieved, "Your mum's gone. Your dad's," he faltered, "your dad's gone, Harry. Your crib is gone, that bloody chair is gone. Your nursery, your perfect nursery that James slaved over for weeks trying to charm those walls perfectly, gone. He wanted you to wake up to sunshine every day and watch the cloud animals on your walls. He wanted you to fall asleep every night to stars and nebulas. Lily told him to stop being silly and pick a color, but he wanted it to be better than blue or green. And your head," he leaned over, pushing back to child's soft hair to trace the fresh scab. He put a gentle kiss on it before continuing, "you've got your head all bloodied up.

"Good thing you can be so happy about all this," he halfheartedly joked as he watched Harry playing with his toes, "because I'm just about dying. Good to know one of us is holding up well, right?"

"Pafooo!" Harry howled, holding out his arms to Sirius and kicking his legs violently. Sirius obliged the kid, picking him up and carrying him to living room.

"You funny little bugger," Sirius laughed slightly. "Is that what he trained you too call me, ay? Pafu? Yeah, well, we know where you get it from.

"Listen, kid, I'm not your daddy. If you grow up knowing one thing, it's going to be that, that I'm not your daddy. James is your daddy. Lily is your mummy. They loved you. I'm just Sirius. Who am I?" he asked, pausing to look at Harry.

"Pafoo!"

"Exactly. I'll be your best friend, I'll keep you safe and warm and fed, I'll spoil you rotten, I'll teach you how to fly, and give you home, but James will always be your daddy." Sirius watched Harry get up and slowly teeter over to where he sat on the floor. Harry then latched on to Sirius' arms, using them to steady himself as he climbed onto his godfather's lap. Finally he say down, stuck his thumb into his mouth, and laid his head on his new guardian's chest. "Of course you'll never confuse me with your mum," Sirius finished, wrapping his arms around Harry protectively.

"I should have been able to go after Peter," Sirius spat angrily. Harry looked up at him in awe. "But Dumbledore didn't want me to get you, and the only way I could convince him would be by taking you now. I guess Peter will have to wait. Honestly, that slimy little git never had one bit of knackers until now, and he decided to go and do this. I'll kill him. He doesn't even deserve that, you know. He deserves to rot the rest of his life in Azkaban going mad from all the crazies screaming around him while those Dementor creatures suck anything of happiness or worth from his puny body. That's what he deserves.

"We could go see Moony tomorrow. We'll probably be seeing a lot of him in the next few weeks. He's very responsible, you know? Very pristine. I expect the only reason Lily ever let James go on with his half-baked plan to make me Godfather was that she new Remus would help, or that I wouldn't last long before begging him for help. What do you think of that, do you want to see old Moony?"

"Mooie!" Harry screeched, clapping his hands together joyfully. Harry seemed to get very excited and suddenly was unhappy with this sulky, depressed Sirius.

"Sorry, mate. I know you don't much understand, but Padfoot isn't feeling very good right now," he explained, his face falling when Harry seemed unfazed by his news. He thought how to rephrase his emotions. Sirius put an overdramatic frown on his face, and, pointing to himself, explained rather simply, "Padfoot sad." This, Sirius knew, Harry understood. He once again stood up, wobbly balancing on legs underneath him, and manually tried to stretch his friend's face back to his usual Sirius, ever-smiling, ever-happy.

"Well, kid, I'm afraid it's time for bed. Your mum always wanted you in bed by eight-thirty, no later. I would come in at eight-twenty nine and she wouldn't even let me play with you. She would always fuss that I should have come earlier if I wanted to play with you. She always told me to go away and find a big boy to play with; so naturally I would go downstairs to find your dad," Sirius sighed, knowing that those days are gone. "Normally I would say that your mum's not here, like I used to, but I'm too zonked myself. You got to take that nice nap from your old house to the Dursleys, and you slept all through that ordeal. You should have seen Dumbledore's face; he wasn't expecting me to show up with you and Hagrid on the back of my motorcycle, that's for sure. Then you slept all the way to Hogwarts. Of course you woke up when Poppy began to check over you, make sure you were all right, but you slept in my arms the whole time I was meeting with Dumbledore. Then you woke up again we got here. We ate, I talked, you played, and now we sleep." Picking up the kid, who was still messing up his godfather's face, he carried him back towards the bedroom.

"Sorry for the lack of crib, but I wasn't exactly expecting a baby. Anyway, I've padded the floors and I've charmed some barriers around the bed, so I find it highly unlikely that you'll fall out. Besides, I think it's safer that you sleep in here with me tonight then in the spare bedroom by yourself."

Sirius was surprised, and pleased, to see that Harry did fall asleep rather quickly. In the last moments before he drifted off to sleep, when he was sure no one, not even little Harry, could hear him, he whispered simply, "Love you, kid. James, Lily, I'm going to take care of your boy." Then he nodded off too, falling into a world filled with guilt ridden dreams and murderous nightmares.

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Reviews are always appreciated


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